apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
