Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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