do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
