i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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