Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
