I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
