my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize