I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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