well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
