New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
