She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
