I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
