there's paper in my vomit.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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