okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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