what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
