I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
