I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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