after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
