so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
