I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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