So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
