Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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