The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
17 year olds will be the death of me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
