It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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