And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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