Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
