the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
FUCK WHALES
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
