gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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