I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
