I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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