Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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