I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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