Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize