I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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