I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
