having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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