I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
