So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
