O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
