Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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