your room smells of hookers.
And success
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
