Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
