i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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