also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
