People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
