I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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