I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
