I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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