ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
