my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
