Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
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Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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