The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
