We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
