if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
