i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
