he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
