And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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