I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
