He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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