Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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