This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
