at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
