y did u give ur computer a hand job?
...so i touched it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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