Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
