chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
