her vagine was all disorganized.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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