i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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