I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize