So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
