Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
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I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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