I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
