You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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