Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
