420 ftw
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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