Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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