it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
