I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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