Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
