Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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