If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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