Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
