In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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