Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
