she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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