alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
