So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
